What If

Doctor told the wife, “I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we have to amputate his leg.”
The wife tried very hard to resist that that was the only way, “But what is he without a leg? How could he ... No, he needs his legs.”
Doctor rationalised, “Without a leg, he has his life, family and you.”
So the husband survived as a cripple. He held a grudge against the wife. The wife tried very hard to let him see this was his sake.  Feeling guilty, she compensated by not complaining.
Some girl found the husband a hero -- how he kept doing what he wanted to do even without a leg. The husband gained his confidence back from this angel. So, there was a divorce and this angel who had no history of him to compare with. A brand new life started.
The wife helped him live just that he could divorced her for this other girl. But what was to be blamed. Perhaps, that was the best she could do for having his leg removed. She stepped out of his life, the torture and pain; looking from a distance at someone she had loved so much; someone she would rather split up with than to let him die.
What if she insisted to keep that leg?

我的最...話

最常說－「得未呀？」

最討厭聽到－「算啦」

最愛說－「哼」/「pt!」

最多講－「九唔答八」

最常聽到－「正死八婆」/「bitch!」

最怕聽到－「大檸樂」/「shit!」

最荒謬－「睇相避孕」

最攪笑－「請你一半」

最無聊－「出街呀？」 

 

最互動－「你究係咯」

Let's Talk About Toilets Again

They have different names: lavatory, washroom, restroom, ladies and men, W.C., loos, John, bathroom, …
Did you notice there're small pool and big pool toilets? When dumping in a small pool, you just need to cover the water with toilet paper so water doesn't splash to your butt. If you're using big pool, sit near to the front (shallow point) and try to glide in your dump.
It's absurd people still wet the door knob when there's plenty of paper towel. If they are too lazy to wipe dry, will they bother to use soap?
Those auto-flush in the HK International Airport splashes my butt while giving birth to shit -- no escape. Maybe they're testing their toilet-bidet duet.
To enjoy a warming toilet seats is like enjoying subway seats humanly warmed up.
I can tell how unhealthy those OL are when they pee around 4 p.m. with the sound of water jets. Like me, they are all procrastinating the reply to nature's call so as to finish this task, and maybe that one too, one more one more ...
The longer you linger in the toilet, the more shit particles you breath in. Get out fast! Flush with the lid closed, for heaven's sake!

Chinese Book Review: 我討厭的10種好人 (10 Good People I Hate)

只是書名已夠給引。作者是日本人！這就更給引了。哪十種？

1. 笑容不絕的人
2. 不忘心存感謝的人 3. 喜歡看大家喜悅表情的人
4. 總是以積極態度生活的人
5. 對自已的エ作「為榮」的人
6. 重視「黑白分明」的人
7. 一有爭執就想立刻阻止的人
8. 不清楚交代事物的人
9. 會說「因為我笨呀」的人
10. 認為「我的人生沒有遺憾」的人

總括就是虛偽得自欺欺人的人。很可惜沒有「家婆」呀，「外母」呀之類。作者中島義道該是個男的。

光看目錄已夠好笑便不用出書，出明信片就賺夠了。但我只看了最前一個及最後一個。把最「抵死」的 highlight 出來吧！


笑容不絕的人 － 說到女人喜歡怎麽笑的男人: ...女人拖著疲憊身軀回到家門口，看到了「笑容不絕的男人」在門口迎接，絕對不會感到慰藉，反而想把包包往他臉上砸上去吧。 香港人稱這種笑容為「熠熟狗頭」。

認為「我的人生沒有遺憾」的人 － 副題目： 趕快滿足後去死吧！

哈 哈 哈 哈 哈 ...

Just the title is already funny enough. The author is a Japanese. That makes it more interesting. Which 10?

1. people that always smile
2. people who never forget to appreciate
3. people who love to see other people happy faces
4. people always take a positive attitude towards life
5. people who are "proud" of their jobs
6. people who value "distincting right and wrong"
7. people who would stop any dispute immediately
8. people who like clear explanations of things
9. people who always say "because I'm dumb"
10. people who think that "their lives have no regrets"

Conclusion: people who are so hypocritical that they deceive themselves. It's a pity mum-in-laws not included. The author is probably a guy.

It's funny just with the content. If they're postcards, the author must have earned a lot. I've just finished the first and last chapters. Let me highlight the gags.

people that always smile － about what kind of men that always smile women like
...Woman, goes home exhausted and sees a smiling-face-man waiting at the door, will not be comforted. Instead, she would like to throw her handbag over to his face. Hong Kongers call this kind of facial expression "a well-boiled dog's head" (meaning idiotic smile)

people who think that "their lives have no regrets" －subtitle:
Get satisfied and go to die!

Hahahahaha...

男人女人

我在別人 Blog 上的評論:

有些事注定是錯誤、悲劇，卻因怕變成錯誤、悲劇而拖拖拉拉。沒意思。還以為世上有無條件的愛必定只會不斷找錯對象，因為根本不會有這麼一回事。成熟的人會曉 得 AA 也好，全包也好，愛中菜也好，愛西餐也好，都不過個人喜好習慣。Training is for dogs. 只要思維一致就能互相遷就，否則活在不同層面，再忍讓也只是暫時性。

男人女人

我在別人 Blog 上的評論:

有些事注定是錯誤、悲劇，卻因怕變成錯誤、悲劇而拖拖拉拉。沒意思。還以為世上有無條件的愛必定只會不斷找錯對象，因為根本不會有這麼一回事。成熟的人會曉 得 AA 也好，全包也好，愛中菜也好，愛西餐也好，都不過個人喜好習慣。Training is for dogs. 只要思維一致就能互相遷就，否則活在不同層面，再忍讓也只是暫時性。

My Man's Mum -- source of my man's lousiness

Like mother like son. Yester-morning, I was woken up by his mother's friendly phone call about giving me half a chicken and some BBQ pork. Well, I really don't feel like cooking and that sounds just wonderful. So "yes" and the food arrived 10 minutes after. -- An uncut half-chicken!

That reminds me of an incident 2 decades ago. We had home economics. A group of 3 had some problems. They assigned each person to bring one ingredient for the spring-rolls cooking. The one who was responsible for (cooked) chicken got a fresh raw chicken -- uncooked and uncut. I suggested that they got it cooked during lunch hour and cut out 8 ounces of fillet. In the class, the problem group came over and said that the raw-chicken-girl didn't do what I suggested. I told them to beg for a stripe of chicken from each group. Then, the teacher yelled, "WHAT!?" The girl who bought the raw chicken took the chicken to the teacher and asked what to do with it. "Which group are you in?" Teacher went over to the group which had already got the chicken from each of us. She turned to the poor girl (poor in intelligence) and said, "You will stand at the corner and got zero for this class."

My agility saved the other two girls but not myself. How would I have expected the same thing will happen to ME after 2 decades with someone 2 decades older than I am?

不再一肚屎

剛剛的週未到夫家的家鄉。他們工廠拜神食飯。但我並非要拜神，也不是愛上他們的飯，只是想陪陪老公。

汕頭也算是一個城市，但達濠則鄉村且非常髒。簡直羞家！

見舅父(家婆弟)的蛋掉在地上滾，我說掉了它。細姨(家婆妹)說還可吃。跟著是一連串的甚麼也可吃。我說甚麼也可吃，掉到屎上也可吃，真是！我可不再客氣。自已無知、迂腐，還批評別人「姿整」。我就是「姿整」，我有文化，我文明，你可怎樣？

第二日，像水喉一樣的瀉了四次，還是陪了老公吃宵夜。第三日，全廠一起吃飯。(發生咗一件核突事件，比我攪掂。因為太核突，在此不詳談。有興趣者私自再問。)肚 還在「咕嚕咕嚕」。第一味，白果糖水！我是鹹人，不吃。第二味，炸蝦和肉卷。炸粉多得看不見蝦形。很勉强吃了蝦。細姨就只叫我吃。死也不再吃。第三味，燉 雞。浮著一遍黄油。真還嫌瀉得不夠色彩嗎？不吃。我弟弟走過來，不知與細姨說些甚麼，只聽見細姨說「又唔食，嫌肥喎！」注意：喎字拉長。其實坐我兩傍的人 都已知道我感不適。但不想吃就不能不吃嗎？不吃是罪過嗎？要向法官求情乎？我雙手括著口，像喇叭般，由左致右宣佈一次「我唔舒服呀！」把喇叭收起再咕嚕著 「唔食咪唔食囉，點解每次都要人向你交代咖嘖。」

看！我不好惹。

以前我都只不吃。對他們而言很古怪，因為他們覺得是美食，不覺得不衞生...你要問，我只有答「不愛吃」。-- 這人真古怪，甚麼都不愛吃。坦白說「不衞生」。-- 這人清高，嫌棄別人。這班人從不檢討一下自己。哈，對，我清高。你清高得起嗎？這樣一肚子氣的過我可不要。我老公曾說他們其實很想對我熱情點。這是熱情？！！！？

或

許在他們學曉熱情之前該增廣見閒一點，學習一下怎樣尊重與自已不一樣的人或事。

嗒飯吮飯(吮手指的吮；音「選」)你曉嗎？這可是細姨的絕技。

Are You a Hypocrite?

I am. I hide my stupidity and show off my cleverness. And if I do it well, you see me as smart; then, I am actually smart!

So what's hypocrisy?

We overheard the radio talking about being friend with her ex.

I : That's crap. One could never be friend with one's ex.

K : I agree. I'm never friend with my exes.

A : Why not? I think that's possible.

I : I don't sleep with my friends.

A : But you can still be friends.

Why aren't they friends in the first place? And what breaks them up?

I : I won't befriend with someone I despise upon.

K : Exactly.

Call me uncultured, unsophisticated, whatever, but at least I am true to my feelings. Self-deception will only lead one to ignorance.

Why Men Don't Have A Clue And Women Need More Shoes?

This is 2007. Women have a very different social status from our mothers'. I do not understand why Pease (the authors) keep advising the women what to be aware and do. Isn't misunderstanding a mutual thing? So shouldn't it take two to tango? There's advices for men, but it's like 20% (at most) for men and there's always advices for women. The question is: Is it worth comprimising (tolerating all the peeves) in order to stay with a man (or be loved if you're lucky enough) ? Look, we didn't make all these problems. ... Yes, there's some funny jokes and theories. I did finish the book except the last few pages about reitrement. If you're someone's wife, there's no retirement. Don't even think about it. Like the mum-in-law section: You think you don't give a damn to what others think about your relationship? Ha. Before you know, impact is already in effect. There's a lot of re-training to do. And even if you're convinced, the solutions are designed in a western-culture-mindset. If you've ever watched toddler's training in Discovery Channel, you'll understand it won't work on most asians. Each individual is different, anyway.

After all, it's a matter of "to be or not to be". I believe only in one thing -- respect. No matter what you do, do it with respect. If the other person doesn't, dump him. Fast! (If you think you can write 300 pages bull-shit around this topic, remember to write my name on it.)