我囉！

我愛恨分明，清清楚楚。怕甚麽？咬我！

 
不做作，不扭拎，不發爛，不情緒化，不自欺欺人，不複雜。

 
不介意冇女人味，我知我系女人。不介意人哋知道我步入40，人總會大會老。不介意人哋話我懶清高，我就系有要求。最怕虫同死！

 
好命亦唔易得 -- 要睇得通睇得化。

Funny Telemarketing 2

37414579「喂，請問系咪 12345678 機主。」

『系。』

「我哋系 XXX 為咗响應政府 YYY 依家有個 ZZZ 免費檢身計劃比......」

『唔需要啦！我有啦！』

「......有 NNN 咁多種檢查......」

『唔駛啦！我有啦！我自己有啦！』

「......免費咖喎......」

『咁都唔駛做兩次架！』

「......」

風說的故事

一個美麗島，孤獨。曾經不少船隻泊岸，不能適應多變的天氣都離開。更有不少船隻經過不敢靠近。亦有不懷好意的船想靠近，一個大浪，火山爆發，一一把他們嚇走。有些船遠遠的走過。有時，風跟美麗島說其他島與船的事；有的啼笑皆非，有的唏噓 。一日大船在徘徊 ，美麗島叫風把他吹近。就這樣美麗島與大船相依了很久很久。但大船開始破落，只能靠在美麗島傍靜靜的鏽壞。美麗島懷著大船的殘餘 ，默默守著。

一天來了一隻小船，片刻便離開了。過了一段日子，他又回來。美麗島太倦了，看著這小船東奔西去的，未有阻攔他來小休。小小的船，整潔又規矩。經驗尚淺，來來往往時出的洋相逗得美麗島很開心。美麗島的資源越來越少，火山也老了，島開始慢慢下沉。每每小船離開，是盼他歸來，還是盼他找到別的可依靠的島？

那日爆風雨。小船浮浮沉沉，驚險萬分的離去。從此再沒有回來。美麗島己被淹沒了。懷著大船的殘餘，在深海下默默守著。

原來我是男人 -- love vs loneliness

Do not let loneliness hinder you from waiting true love to knock at your door.

愛難測

愛難測。沒有季節之分。可以如海瀟般澎湃又突然，又可以像痛症般慢慢加劇 。來，擋不住；走，留不得。一埸起伏。平靜了。失落。

《生死决擇》

多年前，大學半工讀時，在銀行兼職，認識一位律師太太。因為大家都養龍貓 (chincilla)，經常會聊關於龍貓。一次，她告訴我一個客做 mortgage 時在 basement 發現一隻被遺棄的龍貓。只有一袋免糧放在籠的傍邊。我告訴她若新屋主不要牠，我想要。我原來的叫 BoBo，新的叫芊芊。過了一個月，一日，芊芊突然不動。牠怕人， 連我伸手摸牠牠也不動。我將牠隔離到 carrying cage，另外放一些 pellet 同水給牠。到晚上我弟弟說芊芊好像很不妥。我到 basement 看，牠嘴在食物碟上但吃不到或無力吃。半夜時份怎辨？在 yellow page 找最近的 24 小時動物醫院。交代完芊芊的來歷，等醫生驗查。醫生說要等有經驗 operate rodent 的醫生才可做手術。連住院要大概 CAD1,XXX (approximately HKD7,XXX)。我問重有沒有............ alternative。她答 "put her to sleep"即安樂死。結果我選擇了 put her to sleep。我不知道醫生是說 facts 還是想安慰我，她說她覺得這個選擇很好，若是她她也會這樣做，因為芊芊的病很大機會復發，而且以芊芊年齡，復發就會死 ('cos can't operate anymore)。其實我已感到很麻木了，在怒力的聽她解說不要 concentrate 在難過。她給我一張受權醫生 put 芊芊 to sleep 的表。真是的！好不容易決定還要簽！筆對著空格，好久不能動。在銀行工作，一日簽幾十次名，那時就是不知道怎麽簽。全部人在看著我等我，草草簽了。
我沒有跟芊芊說再見，也沒有要回牠的骨灰，只拿著空的 cage。弟弟跟我說「若不是你給牠這幸福的一個月，牠己孤獨的餓死在 basement 了。」
我很明白這是事實，但事實也是我親手要牠去死的。致少我應該 gently patted her, comforted her and said to her softly "ChinChin, be good. Goodbye." 死亡從來都是那麽孤獨。

Interview

Interviewer 「...咁你講吓你嘅 weakness ...」
『我嘅 weakness 就係接受唔到人哋 turndown 我囉！咁你依家係咪請我咖？』
「......」
Interviewee 拍枱『我同你講呀，我嘅 weakness 就係你 turndown 我我會燒你全家呀！』
「...你泠靜啲先啦...」
Interviewee 返枱『...你依家 liu 起我個 weakness 啦！咁你依家清楚晒我嘅 weakness 啦！咁衣家點先？』
「......」

《單車褲》

經過一晚朋友講解單車褲之後，我覺得呢條嘢男士不妨買多啲。方便吖嘛！擋完底褲著又可以擋面褲著，擋完面褲著又可以擋番底褲著！又慳錢，又環保。

至於女士亦不妨多買比身邊個男人，等佢唔著唔得。皆因條褲唔係 cotton，即係唔黐 nup nup。男人最怕黐身黐世。見番咯咪番囉，見唔到就即係唔番囉！咁點樣可以令到佢唔會唔番呢？扣留佢呢條褲，等佢又冇底褲著又冇面褲著，咁就唔躝得街囉！

對運動認真嘅朋友就必須要有單車褲！你睇佢，又似巴雷舞褲，又似舉重既褲；一對絲襪，好地地由大肶拉到上膊頭！真係唔簡單呀！

Science Principles

Some science principles:

1. You can never find what you want. There's always things that you don't want around you.

2. You can never find Mr. Right. There's always morons and jerks trying to pick you up with some lame pick up lines.

3. It's always bad weather on weekends or holidays. When you go to the office, sunshine!

4. It's always on sales when you have no $$$. It's pay-day, your mail-box is stuffed with bills!

有來有往

對付多口的學生 >『你用咗我講課嘅時間，我用番你小息同放學啲時間。』

對付催促我的學生 >『咁你呢教勒。』

對付講 "嘢，又做" 的學生 >『嘢！又唔温書。』／『嘢！又唔識。』

對付話 "佢究係咁咯" 的學生 >『你做好你本份先追究，打救，或踩人喇。』

對付問 "可唔可以唔做呀？" 的學生 >『你做完之後就可以唔做嘞。』(佢哋實話「唓，廢話。」咁就可以顯伸『無錯，廢話係用呢答廢問。』)

通常小一致中三啲同學先會咁無聊。

問我 10 次

來電，我『Hello.』

「......」

『Hello.』

「我哋係和記xxx......」

『我無興趣。』

「吓，咁優惠，點解小姐唔考慮吓呢？」唔係答咗你無興趣咖咩？

『唔鐘意。』

「er... 咁優惠，點解小姐唔考慮吓呢？」

『我咪答咗你唔鐘意囉。』

「......」

唔通佢以為問我 10 次同一個問題，我就會回心轉意咖咩！

PEOPLE

Some people can't face the truth. Some people can't resist temptation. Some just can never understand.

前世今生

由別人告訴你一些似是而非的故事：一段含蓄、復古、斷腸的愛情？一段孤獨、可憐、滄桑的人生？今日，那個半句情話也不肯說的男人，原來曾經多麼掛念自己？今日，那個痴情的男人曾經冷眼無情， 一去不返？……這些是現代無法經歷的事。就是一個多理智的人，也能體會到愛情小說帶來的感動。因為據說，那是自己的歷史。前世今生是甜苦循環的信念，是未能習慣或接受事實時的轉站。

上癮

愛情是麻藥放到空氣中，不知甚麼時候中毒，知道時己經上癮了！哈哈哈！

Techno Dies, I Die ?

It should be the other way round, like special lighting effect on X'Mas. Just turning off for O-N-E hour ... what effect (practically and/or spiritually) can it make? Get on a public transportation and count the number of people who doesn't talk on a phone, play PSP, or do something with the notebook. Living without the unnecessary beautiful city lightings? Too indulge to even think about it.

食乜嘢？

阿寬<<沒有答案的女人>>
 

......古怪的行為，例如她叫你決定今晚去哪裡吃飯，你提議甚麼她都會否決。......

毒藥

原來我是男人 --「一見鐘情」是一種令人上癮的毒藥。教人不能冷靜，衰失理智。

身價

即使自己不喜歡也不會介意別人愛上自己。用這個作為自已身價，身價只會隨著年紀而貶值。

Fair is Foul and Foul is Fair

Every time I asked this boy (P6) solution to problem like the manila hostage, he would say "I'll kill that man." I said, "You know you won't." He said, "I can." "I know you can, but in reality you won't." I asked him if he didn't like to think about the problem or he played too much video game. He said no. "I'm sure there're other solutions that are better than this one. Why do you keep saying this?" He said "Because I am very angry." A little boy holding a lot of anger towards unfair incidents and he could only use emotion to lead his reaction. What on earth have the adults done to him? What on earth have we taught the young people that they can only use voilence to express anger?

Why? - 2

The planets all have their way of spinning and point of view.

Why? - 1

Some people can't face the truth. Some people can't resist temptation. Some just can never understand.

Antiquated Education Scheme 陳舊的教育態度

Hong Kong's education is an antique. It cultures fear-to-loose minds (and suppresses creativity). Everything becomes competition. Kids participate so many extracurriculars they don't have time to be curious. They have endless homework and no time for respect.

I asked my high school English teacher in Canada, "What is education?"

"Education is to better oneself," he said.

(In Hong Kong) How? By not letting our kids choose the subjects they like? By cramming them into one big class? By struggling between using English or Chinese to teach? By highlighting things they fail? By making female teachers wear skirts? By giving many assessments to rank and label students? In what way have we made our children better? Well, they're very good at doing what the teachers say.

讓子女來討債？

不要剝奪子女生存本能發展的權利。讓孩子明白何解會有，何解會冇。讓他們理解有賞罰，自己思考怎樣權衡輕重。

<<怪獸家長>> ： 一分都不能少
學生 A 因己完成試卷而被老師浱去通傳其他班試卷題目有錯。學生 A 多次拒絕後，終於還是去了。回來後覺其中一條字體不太整齊，於是擦掉，卻 times up 無法再寫。家長代投訴為何找他們的孩子去通傳。

Charles J. Sykes 的 <<50 Rules Kids Won't Learn in School>> 中第一條就是：Life is not fair. Get used to it.

作為社會的一份子，應該有互助的精神。作為一個學生，亦應該培養這份精神。倒過來，其他班學生來通傳的話，學生 A 與他的家長亦會忿忿不平地為他討回那一分鐘時間嗎？阿旦訪問張學友，學友說：「別的孩子不可以而自己的孩子就可以為之寵。」學生 A 之所以失分並非因為代老師通傳，而是他沒有衡量字體整齊不整齊是否重要。連問題關鍵也找不出來，以後怎樣處理問題？難道一切都推到別人身上算了？

<<怪獸家長>> ： 未讀萬卷書，已行萬里路

(如果跟學生 A 的家長去，不曉得學了些是麼來。)

孩子問：點解我冇無得去旅行？

<<50 Rules Kids Won't Learn in School>> 第 4 條：You are not entitled to ...

孩子今日的生活是父母辛苦經營得來的，不是天掉下來的。憑甚麼有得去？

無家教 (1)

今日在荃灣上完堂到 A1 Bakery 餐廳用餐，看見一班二班人的所作所為，真看不過眼！

第一班，兩個師奶，一個小孩再一個 BB，坐三張枱 (二人式的) 八張櫈！BB 都不耐煩，不停尖叫。小女孩又搖櫈，又不停指住自已弄髒的地說「髒了！髒了！髒了！」

第二班，十幾人都吃完喝完還在等兩個人。這兩個人終於在二十分鐘後出現。十幾人亦等他倆點菜吃完才離開。

這兩班人的供通點是「不顧他人」(inconsiderate)。

小孩不懂但大人為甚是麽也沒留意呢？因為大人也不懂！只要自己有的吃有位坐就可以了。餐廳排著長長的隊也不相干。外面下著雨也跟他們沒關係。藉口當然有一大堆：「我有付錢的」、「開門做生意就是這樣的啦」......還記得那些在大馬路躺著，妨礙別人做生意，還大大聲聲說「總有犧牲」。拿別人的辛勞充自己擋正義英雄，這是誰培養出來的態度？少不了這兩班成人呢！

攪笑廣告

劉心悠响 fancl 廣告中話正走黑頭最好方法係「用」咗佢喎。用呢炒蛋？

Believe

Saw some people asking someone else how to lose weight. Like it's a secret. E-X-E-R-C-I-S-E!!! Is it so hard to believe?

Funny Telemarketing 1

安信 telemarket 打呢 sell loans，我話我唔需要，佢叫我唔好咁快話唔需要住。我問「我點解唔可以咁快話唔需要？」「......」

Manner -- Got Sick?

係咁 "fat fat fat" 做咩呢? 擤咗佢唔好咩。留番宵夜？

Things in Life

Time comes and goes. Friends come and go. Things or people come and go. Let it go; then, you are free.

Murder Mystery Hong Kong Dinner Theatre

分手時就睇到真正嘅男人

早排 Now 劇集台播日劇 <<金牌望族>>。好多 concepts 我都好有同感。其中：分手時就睇到真正嘅男人。四圍玩女人，狗都識啦！What's done cannot be undone. 發爛渣同賴皮都係低莊。好好面對、處理、糾正件事先係高手。但係咁係需要高 EQ。EQ 高 in the first place 就唔會做狗做嘅嘢啦！不過有人係會賤到認係狗都唔介意架，重會有女人肯跟佢同爭住跟佢添。人哋要做狗乸唔通你唔比咩！

再談「非典型鱗狀細胞」

前兩日有人問我關於呢個問題。今日成個 comment 無咗！無所謂啦！再講吓啦！反正唔多人睇我個 blog，都煩唔到幾多人。會睇我個 blog 嘅人都慣咗我成日 E E 哦哦。

非典型鱗狀細胞就是檢出 HPV ( 一種病毒 ) 的起頭。係婦女做婦科檢查時 (pap smear) 發現的。一發現有呢種唔正常嘅細胞，醫生一定會叫你比多幾百蚊檢係唔係 HPV。

HPV 有百幾種，用編號定名。其中有大概 15 種會變種成為癌。電視廣告 (阿Sa) 猛叫你哋打子宮頸癌預防針只針對惡裡面其中 2 種 (16, 18；占7成宮頸癌患者)。分 3 支打。 $3,600。(家計會大概 $2,000)

如果中咗惡嘅嗰種係咪生硬癌？唔一定。請參考 HPV 與宮頸癌 [翻譯]
手術好簡單* ( 切一浸仔子宮頸 )，因為己經有個窿啦嘛！哈 ^O^ 哈！

我個情況就係切咗果怱檢出病變。即係話唔切遲 d 就有機會變癌。

*有關手術，請到之前 HPV – LLETZ。

Dumb and Dumber

"The Dumbest Generation" is about how technology makes the new generation 'dumb and dumber'. Why? Don't you need to "learn" to use new techno gadgets? We get more information quicker from the internet and shouldn't therefore make us smarter? So how do they make us dumber? -- Self-control! When things are so easily gained, we don't treasure them. In fact, we need to make extra effect to treasure things. Accessing information and contacting friends become so cheap, so readily available and sometimes so overwhelmed, we don't THINK anymore. When we get to a point where we need to think, we panic, get frustrated and then depressed. What do we have to lose not checking the Facebook for 2 days or going out without cellular for a day? Contrarily, I will gain by reading a book! I will get great satisfaction making a new handbag or dress or my dog's bedding. I will be more happy playing with my dog or try cooking a new dish. In brief, I will get something done in REAL! We get dumb if we let lifeless objects control us.

怪獸寵物家長

沒有做好功課是不負責任的行為。養寵物時沒有衡量各種可能性，如會否敏感，家人喜不喜歡......都是很疏忽與不負責任的行為。不能說沒有功課的人不會明白不做功課的人的心情，不該批評他們。誰要明白不負責任的心情？寵物會有其性格，會拉屎，會生病，會死......不要說不知道，活在童話之中。

To Impress

There are phrases that are nice to the ears but don't make any sense at all.

Content of Life

Life is half suffering and dying, half happy and living. No matter which points of view, suffering happily or living death, these 4 things are going to intertwine. So, what are you going to do? Be cynical about everything or take it easy?

Whine for Luck

If you do not have the patience to wait for opportunities, you lack intelligence to make money. If you don't observe and listen, lack rationality to analyze and learn from history, buy lottery and pray.

如果你有种唸法，就係買樓、娶老婆、生仔係政府嘅責任去帮你嘅話，咁你好大機會會供唔起層樓、留唔著老婆、湊唔掂個仔。

Joke 1

A man prays to God every single day "God, please, please, please let me win the lottery." One day, God answers him, "Please, please, please, buy a ticket!"

Happiness

Only when you're happy; then, you can spread it to others.

Let yourself be happy. Trample over those obstacles to happiness!!!

We're all chasing money, thinking it will bring us happiness. But sometimes, we're so concentrated on chasing the money, happiness passes by unnoticed.

Baking Soda

My favourite part:

Exfoliating: Make a paste of 3 parts bakin soda to 1 part water, and use as a gentle, exfoliating facial scrub after washing with soap and water. Rinse your face clean.

Mix baking soda with oatmeal in your blender; it makes a great facial scrub.

http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/beauty-hygiene/uses-for-baking-soda-health-and-beauty-ga.htm

Yes and No

I : So you don't know the password?

Student : Yes.

I : Oh, you know the password.

Student : I don't know the password.

I : OK, you don't know the password? Yes, I know. No, I don't know. Which one?

Student : Yes. I don't know.

FISH?

Read all about this fish here:

Rare "Prehistoric" Shark Photographed Alive

Table Manner

HongKongers, when dinning, keep your arms within your place PLEASE! Don't elbow fight with your neighbours!

Kong girls, don't eat with your mouth full. It costs you 5 LV bags credit!

男人

女：哎呀，呢個 xxx 嗰个 yyy，點呀？

有承担嘅男人：無問題，一切包响我身上！
小男人：咁你話點嘞 ......
大話精：聽日同你攪掂佢。
八公：風水唔好。
多餘嘅男人：咪就系囉。呢個有乜理由 xxx 嗰个有乜理由 yyy 先得架？
最無用嘅男人：你覺得佢有問題咁係你有問題。

The Ridiculous Alphabet

Staff: Which is the ridiculous alphabet?

Boss: Which one?

Staff: (pointing to the boss) U

Hotline

If you want shit, please press 1.
If you're looking for crap, please press 2.
About faeces, press 3.
Turd, 4.
Stool, 5.
Excrement 6. ...
If you'd like to talk to one of our CEO, press 0.
Want some r-e-a-l advice, hang up!

Stereotype

Stererotype is for lazy people.

狼來了

<<小兒科>> :「狼來了」的教訓是甚麽？ Ms Lam's answer : 不要說同一個謊言！

Stereotype

Stererotype is for lazy people.

Prejudice and Ignorance

When you ignore things you hate, you see only half the truth.

Permit to Wrong

Just because someone else does something wrong does not give you permission to make things worse by repeating.

自欺欺人

自欺欺人最終就只是欺己！