Lost
in Translation – confusing "R" and "L".
Japanese drink white grass
and red grass.
In Hong
Kong --
Grade
9 composition about themselves:
... I am shit
and have bag
eyes ...
Other people's intrepretation : ... she is shit
(correct) and have puffy
eyes (direct Chinese translation to English is 'eye bag') ...
Corrected : ... I am short
and have big
eyes ...
Grade
11 Oral Exam -- Asking Ms. L about her accident (bitten by a dog)
Candidate "Why did you bite the dog?"
Ms. L "I
cannot answer your question."
Every candidate has to ask 6
questions. If the candidate did not ask correctly, they will be given
one chance for each question to be rephrased.
Candidate "Why
... why do you bite the dog?"
Ms. L "I did not bite the
dog."
Candidate "Why ... er ... why ..."
Ms. L
"Sorry. You have to move to the next question."
Grade 13
Oral Exam -- Talking about pollution and people moving to suburban
area:
Candidate "Cindy and John decided to move Lantau
Island ."
Ms. W asked me after the exam "How?"
I'm the examiner "Try carrot and stick."
2006年11月27日星期一
The Goat That Doesn't Eat Beef
My
troubled girlfriend told me about eating beef again. She had quitted
eating beef for a decade. Recently, she had a lot of problems. Her
doctor, her mum and some articles talk about problems when you don't eat
beef for a long time. Deficiency of this and that...
Her eagerness worries me. I challenge her few theories.
She said no-beef made her lacked certain nutrients.
There's no one particular nutrient one can get from only beef except mad-cow disease.
She said no-beef made her disliked food rich in iron (or something).
I ask her if she likes oyster. She said she couldn't eat oyster everyday. I said that's not my point, no-beef did not make her not like food rich in iron. She changed her statement. She said she meant she didn't have enough iron. Spinach has iron.
I said if there is any side effect from no-beef, it should have happened after 3 years of no-beef life.
I warned her with examples of my vegetarian friend who once tried beef made her sick (throw up). I said don't try a steak right away.
I bet she got pissed with my negative attitude of her new finding to improve her poor situation.
It's not about the beef. How can beef create all these troubles? The beef thing only brings out her desperateness of getting rid of those troubles. It takes a long time to generate these problems and it then takes time to get things straight. There's no better way to tackle a problem by facing it.
Fear of Abandonment
A girl (PG), always choosing the wrong guy, keep coming to me about her choatic affairs.
Ever
watched Fatal Attraction? The woman in the movie had Borderline
Personality Disorder (BPD). BPD contains a very interesting element:
great fear of abandonment. Great fear of abandonment can result in many
forms. Compromising things you disapprove just to keep a guy is one of
it. It doesn't matter if you like the guy or not, you just don't like
the idea that he abandons you, dislikes you. Usually, personality
disorder develops through childhood. Verbal, emotional or physical
abused, one can view themselves as fundamentally bad or unworthy
(perhaps subconsciously). Being dumped reinforced this low self-value.
PG didn't have BPD. But she precisely hits two of the criteria:
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. (not including suicidal attempt or self-mutilating behavior)
2. Lack of impulse control causes self-damaging (could be binge eating, spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving) and lead to poor judgement in choosing partners or lifestyles.
Of
course, PG knows what she's doing and what's really correct. Because
when she talks about other people choosing their partners, she has a
clear mind. When it's her, she gets lost. She keeps fooling herself
and me with all these ridiculous believes. Unable to tell others what
she really feels, she won't be able to move on. And I, will have to
listen to these endless mess.
Stupid Question 懶有道理
不知所謂的男人愛装模作樣。遇過這麽不知所謂之事？
「我想你找那女人時問我究竟想你怎樣。」
真的。除了分手，還可以怎樣？分明就是威嚇。怎麼男人都不在適當的時候問適當的問題？為什麽不在脫外面女人的衣衫時問：「你究竟想我怎樣？」都米已成炊，現在問來幹嘛？扮有型？
Some men try to be cool actually look ridiculous.
A
man, not in a good mood, went out for one night stand. He went back to
his girlfriend, felt uneasy and surrender to her. Girlfriend,
discontented, threw a tantrum. Didn't know what to do, the man was
fumed and asked, "What do you want?"
"I want you to ask me this question when you're with that girl."
The
point is except breaking up, what else can be done? This is an
apparent threat. Why can't men ask the right questions at the right
time? Why not ask his girlfriend what she wants before he stripped the
other girl? There's no point asking when it's all done. So uncool.
喜歡豬屎的女人 / Woman That Likes Pig's Stool
明知反轉豬肚就是屎，還是愛反，實為犯賤。這未免太明顯了吧！於是只挑豬肚，再引它反過來。還可大大聲麻怨「噫，屎呀！」
朋友，你抱怨什麼？男人不用引也會飛上床。開門引入就是核準了他的會員資格。還用我多說麼？
「我不覺得有問題。」
1. 那問題在哪？我們在說啥？
2.有這種想法本身就是一個問題。
3.這句話不是貞節牌坊，是擋箭牌。你以為你說了，我便認同嗎？我都三十有幾啦！
有些女人以為生個bb可以綁著變了心的老公。結果綁著了自己。該分手，卻拉上。什麼邏輯？
男人愛上床，除非你是床，否則勿武斷妄想他愛你。
性愛是原始基本的慾念。怎能單從基層中求更高層次的滿足感？工作不順利，轉向食物求滿足。結果得個「肥」字。
女人一樣要 do the right thing, say the right thing, at the right time 。 Right 是指 appropriate 。不要懶醒，以為可以負負得正。
Knowing perfectly well that this is the dead end and still insist to go in, that’s just looking for trouble.* But that’s too obvious. Let’s just choose some pig’s tripe, lure it to turn inside out itself. And then you can complaint there’s shit!
What
are you whining about, friend? You don’t have to lure men for sex.
They love it. Just open the door and approves his membership. You
don’t need me to explain any further on this.
“I don’t see a problem.”
1. Then what seems to be the problem? Why on earth are you talking to me about this?
2. This quote itself is already a problem.
3. This serves not a memorial arch of chastity**. This serves as a shield. You think if you say it, I’ll believe it? I’m over thirty.
1. Then what seems to be the problem? Why on earth are you talking to me about this?
2. This quote itself is already a problem.
3. This serves not a memorial arch of chastity**. This serves as a shield. You think if you say it, I’ll believe it? I’m over thirty.
Some
women thought that a baby can capture their unfaithful husbands.
Eventually, they were tying themselves up. You try to keep it when
it’s time to bid goodbye. What's the logic?
Men love sex, only if you’re sex, otherwise don’t arbitrarily, absurdly think that the man will love you.
Sex is the primitive basic desire. How can you look for higher level of satisfaction in the fundament? Stress in work and turn to binge, you will end up being “fat”.
Women
also have to do the right thing, say the right thing at the right
time. “Right” meaning appropriate. Don’t assume double negative will
make up a positive. Smartass.
*A Chinese saying: Turn inside out the pig’s intestines are all pig’s stool.
**Ancient Chinese memorial arch for praising the holding a chaste widow life.
**Ancient Chinese memorial arch for praising the holding a chaste widow life.
Buy You Half Your Dinner 請你一半
這是一個經典故事。一絕的反面教才。
為何有些男人如此吸引女人？他們都會在適當時候作適當的事，說適當的話。是否誠心，佛也無法控製。
話說Pig與我遊了一日，又是花，又沙灘上的崖(Scarborough Bluff)。想吃韓燒，但有少許咳。想前想後也想不到更稱心的料理，Pig一急，把全日已不太出色的奉承毁於一旦。他說：「不如都系食韓燒啦。最多我請你一半嘞！」
嘩，嘩，嘩，嘩，嘩！他不以為我會感動吧！我受唔起。
Why
are some men such a woman-magnet? They speak and do the right thing at
the right time. Whether that's sincere is another matter.
This is a story about how unattractive a man can be.
"Pig"
had been with me all day: flowers, bluff at the beach. I wanted to eat
Korean BBQ. I had a minor cough that day but it seemed that nothing
else fit my appetite. Pig became anxious and ruined the entire
not-too-flattering day. He said, "Let's eat Korean cuisine. I'll buy
you half the dinner."
... wow ... He better not expect that THAT would make me pleased. I don't dare to be.
Men and Chores 男人與家務
為何男人都不愛做家務？很有可能是因為他們都鄙視此等工作。大多數男人都視婆媽為女人的專利。家務是女人事，也就是婆乸事。這些小事都可輕視，怎能作？算 了吧，小事由小人物做。輕視家務的男人都輕視女人，他們多不懂尊重女人。不懂得互相尊重就失去愛的能力。這種人很難教育，一般都需要遇到沉重打擊才會醒 悟。今時今日，還是另覓一個，費時失事。
Why men don't like housework? Maybe they despise these jobs. They think these are minor thing, women's patent that can be ignored. Men that think chores are trivia don't respect women. Men that don't know mutual respect don't know how to love. These people usually are hard to educate, only when they encounter something big. Today, I suggest finding someone better not to waste time.
Excerpts:
If you have ... then you are ...
If you have ... then you are ...
Acura Legend ... I'm rich and too boring for German cars
BMW ... I bought my wife
Corvette ... I'm having a midlife crisis
Honda Civic ... I'm still working on my PhD
Mazda Miata ... Whee! I'm Peter Pan and I'm driving Minnie Mouse's slipper!
Oldsmobile ... I inherited this car from my mother
Porsche ... I have a two-inch penis
Toyota Camry ... I have children and no personality
Volvo Station Wagon ... I'm afraid of my wife
I think my husband would like to have a Ferrari ... I have difficulty expressing myself
But all he got is this go-kart ... I have a dream
He should get a Volvo Station Wagon ... I can never outsmart my wife
When he gets older, he'll end up in a trailer ... I should have listened to my wife
For me, I want him to drive BMW ~
訂閱：
留言 (Atom)