Fear of Abandonment

A girl (PG), always choosing the wrong guy, keep coming to me about her choatic affairs.

Ever watched Fatal Attraction?  The woman in the movie had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).  BPD contains a very interesting element: great fear of abandonment.  Great fear of abandonment can result in many forms.  Compromising things you disapprove just to keep a guy is one of it.  It doesn't matter if you like the guy or not, you just don't like the idea that he abandons you, dislikes you.  Usually, personality disorder develops through childhood.  Verbal, emotional or physical abused, one can view themselves as fundamentally bad or unworthy (perhaps subconsciously).  Being dumped reinforced this low self-value.

PG didn't have BPD.  But she precisely hits two of the criteria:

1.      Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.  (not including suicidal attempt or self-mutilating behavior)

2.      Lack of impulse control causes self-damaging  (could be  binge eating, spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving) and lead to poor judgement in choosing partners or lifestyles.

Of course, PG knows what she's doing and what's really correct.  Because when she talks about other people choosing their partners, she has a clear mind.  When it's her, she gets lost.  She keeps fooling herself and me with all these ridiculous believes.  Unable to tell others what she really feels, she won't be able to move on.  And I, will have to listen to these endless mess.